


pancakes for dinner

by mojitoess



Category: dreamnotfound - Fandom, gream
Genre: Anxiety, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Depression, Eating Disorders, Fanfiction, Flirting, Fluff, Gream - Freeform, Heartbreak, Love, Lovesick, M/M, dream - Freeform, dreamnotfound, dreamxgeorge - Freeform, georgenotfound - Freeform, georgexdream - Freeform, loverboy, patience - Freeform, sapnap - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:15:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29164062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mojitoess/pseuds/mojitoess
Summary: his mind tears him down, his undying love for his best friend constantly in his thoughts. the pain, the hurt knowing his best friend will never feel the same way...
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), georgenotfound - Relationship
Kudos: 35





	1. moment

_ Clay’s shaggy, golden brown hair lay softly atop of his head. His smile, bright as the sun, as white as fresh snow. His face was as beautiful as anyone’s dream, he was known as dream for a reason. _

As George's eyes slowly opened up, it revealed him in his comfortable, navy blue bed. He laid under the blanket for a few minutes, staring up at the spinning fan. 

_ Clay? Dream? Nonono he’s just a friend… nothing more, nothing less. Thats it George, just a friend. You can't think of him like that, you're bound to get caught up in a knot of emotions george. He sees you as his best friend, you HAVE to see him as your best friend, nothing more.  _

George rubbed his eyes before forcing himself out of bed, his phone read 11pm

_ Shit I slept in _

His body wasn’t fully awake yet, he slowly walked to his closet pulling out a pastel blue hoodie. He loved the color blue, one of the few he could see. He changed out of his shorts and put on light grey joggers. His desk sat against the wall in front of his bed, he looked at it before sitting down in his gaming chair that rested by the desk. 

He booted his computer up, the two monitors turned on;  _ shit that's bright _ . His eyes eventually adjusted to the bright light of his monitors. He opened discord; Dream’s bubble lit up green, showing he was on discord too. 

_ Can I even bear to talk to him? I just dreamed about him.. What if he notices me being different? _

Before George had a choice, Dream had asked him if he’d like to call. George’s brain didn't even have time to think whether or not this was a good idea, by the time it understood what was happening, George had already clicked the call button.

“Hey georgieeee” 

“Hello to you too clayyyy”

“You gonna stream at all today?” clay asked george,

“I dont know”, “you know what yeah I’ll stream, I haven’t streamed in a little less than a week the fans deserve it”

“Can I join you in your stream sir gogy?

“Awh, i couldn’t bare to stream without my hero dream”

George smiled, his cheeks suddenly felt warm. Clay couldn’t see it, but George could feel it. His heart stuttered with each word that came out of Clay’s mouth. 

_ George what the fuck are you doing?? He is a FRIEND that's all he’ll ever be. _

“Aww you see me as your hero?? Sir almighty i must be then”

“Shut up dream, when should I stream??”

“I'm not sure, I guess whenever you feel like it?”

“Should I just do it now?”

“I mean- go for it my prince”

_ My prince?? His prince?? No… no he doesn't see me as any more. I need to get out of my own head _

George was dragged back into the real world by dream,

“George? You there?

“Yeah sorry, I just zoned out”

“You alright man?”

“Of course I am Dream, why wouldn’t I be?”

His cursor lingered above the purple “start stream” button. 

_ Dude- you literally stream and do youtube for a living… why is it so hard to do normal things today _

George’s mind was distracted, his mind darting from thought to thought. Most thoughts were about clay, and those were thoughts he tried to ignore.

“Alright, i'm gonna start it then”

Finally, he clicked the button. Viewers flooded in.

_ Cowsgobork: poggers _

_ Tommynotinn1t: hi gogyyyyy _

_ Sallythecar: ouuu im excited we weren't expecting a stream today _

_ Ghostburthebeeman: minecraft with george and dream: starring dreamnotfound _

“Hey streammmm” clays voice krept up

“So mister georgenotfound shall you tell us what we're gonna do today?”

“Smp? I don't know” dream and george both chuckled, george did his best to remain normal

They logged onto the smp, found each other, they talked to the stream and each other about simple things. Dream had his armor off, and was facing the opposite way. George believed this would be a good opportunity to hit him with his fist, which he did. Dream’s character slowly turned towards him, looking George's character straight in the eyes. George slowly backed up while witnessing dream put his netherite armor back on.

“Oh george… i think that was a bad decision” dream said, as he put the armor on

“You know man, i really don't think you have to kill me, it was harmless your fine”

“OH GEORGEEEEEE”

George ran, as fast as his blocky character could go, passing Tommy’s house while sprinting to the holy land

“NOOO DREAMMM I’M SORRY NOOOO AHHH”

George made it to the holy land, safe and sound, or so he thought.

“Wowwww pussy you ran to the holy land”

“I wouldn’t call it a pussy move, rather a smart move. Your just too stupid to comprehend it dream”

“I guess you're stuck here for the rest of the stream then”

“Wow step dream I’m so stuck right now”

“What-” dream was confused-

“Comeon dream, just murder me already”

“Oh trust me I want to”

“I know you want me dream, you don't have to hide it”

“What would you say if I told you that I do want you george?”

“I-” he stopped in his tracks of talking “I think I’d say I want you too”

Their characters stood, looking across at each other. Dream removed his armor and stopped holding his sword. He crouched walked into the holy land, continuing to keep his focus upon george

_ Dinopoggerssss: dreamnotfound confirmed?? _

_ Ghostburthebeeman: i said it since the beginning smh _

_ Chokemelikeyoul0veme: it's true guys _

George had a small smile on his face, his cheeks flushed a light pink, the tip of his nose a little brighter than his cheeks. His heart missed a few beats, all he could think about was clay.

“You want me george?”

George fell silent, he didn’t know what to say. Of course he wanted dream, he was practically in love with him. He denied his own feelings, when would he admit it?

George pushed back his velvety black hair, zoning out of this awkward, flirting moment they were in.  _ did dream want him like that? It's just a bit right? _


	2. songs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> while george listens to songs, he knows his love is getting worse. but, dream was listening too.

It was a day later, the stream continued on naturally. George managed to hide his thoughts surprisingly well. Clay remained constantly on his mind, his voice, his wheeze of a laugh. George fell deeper and deeper into the oblivion of his own thoughts. Clay’s confident attitude as he flirted with George, messing with George unknowingly; or maybe he did know. Maybe he was aware of what he was doing to George, What if he knew, what if he felt the same?

_ He flirts with you right? That's gotta mean something… he could feel the same way? Maybe he does. No that’s crazy, Clay could never love me like i love him _

George’s thoughts ran for a while, a never ending marathon. George needed his thoughts to stop, they were driving him insane. He pulled out his chair, turning on his pc and opening spotify. He scrolled through playlists, picking the one named “tea kettle”. He pressed shuffle, a song named “Pancakes for Dinner” (by lizzy mcalpine btw). 

_ Don’t wanna be forward _

_ Don’t wanna cross a line _

_ But if I were to crash in this plane tonight _

_ I’d want you to know this _

Unannounced to George, dream was on spotify too. Clay joined George’s spotify session. 

_ don’t wanna say too much _

_ intrude on your space _

_ but if i were to crash and never make it home _

_ i’d want you to know this _

George wished Clay knew, he wished Clay knew how much he was in george’s mind; how constantly Clay remained in his thoughts. He wondered whether or not Clay felt the same way, if he thought about George the way George thinks about him.  _ he would NEVER think of you like that, you're worthless, you sleep all the time, your videos aren’t anything special, your worth literally nothing. _ His hands slid up to cover his face, he shut his eyes harshly, wishing his thoughts would disappear, leaving him for good.

_ Oh, and to tell you is too scary _

_ So I’ll just say something else _

_ And I wish that you could hear me _

_ When I talk to myself _

_ But this plane might not land safely _

_ So what the hell do I have to lose _

_ If i just tell you? _

What would it be like if he told dream everything, how Clay would’ve reacted if he did ever say how he felt.  _ Thats crazy, get it out of your head. You know he won’t feel the same back. _ Sometimes George gets lost in his thoughts, his own mind acting against him.

_ I wanna eat pancakes for dinner _

_ I wanna get stuck in your head _

_ I wanna watch a TV show together _

_ And when we’re under the weather we can watch it in bed _

_ I wanna go out on the weekends _

_ I wanna dress up to get undressed _

George’s mind roamed around the idea of Clay, even if he didn’t know what Clay looked like; he could imagine interlocking their hands, the feeling of his soft lips resting upon George's. 

_ I think that I should probably tell you this _

_ In case there is an accident _

_ And I never see you _

“Fuck-” George could feel his eyes filling up with tears, refusing to cry, he rubs his eye. He pauses the song, staring into his blank monitor. He looks back up at spotify, scrolling through his liked songs;  **Heatwaves by Glass Animals.** He presses play.

_ Sometimes all i think about is you _

_ Late nights in the middle of june _

_ Heatwaves been fakin me out  _

_ Can’t make you happier now _

Clay never read heatwaves, or atleast to George's knowledge he hasn’t. George leaned back in his chair, it creaked slightly but he didn’t care. He looks at his ceiling, analyzing every bump on it, staring at each fanblade as they spin above him.

_ Usually I put _

_ Something on TV _

_ So we never think _

_ About you and me _

A few seconds later, discord beeped. George finally sat up in his chair, panic started to settle in as he read who it was, fear coursed through all of his veins as he read the message sent to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lolz i doubt anyones gonna read this


	3. subtle hints

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they keep flirting, does dream mean to make george fall harder for him?

_ Dream: _

_ Heatwaves hmm? _

_ Why are you listening to heatwaves georgie? _

_ Georgenotfound: _

_ What it’s a good song _

_ Besides it's not like you’ve read it or anything _

_ Dream: _

_ Idk maybe i have maybe i haven't _

_ Do you have something to tell me gogy? _

_ Georgenotfound: _

_ Wdym why would i have something to tell you _

_ Dream: _

_ Idk, just interesting how your listening to heat waves out of all the songs in the world _

_ Georgenotfound: _

_ Do you have something you're trying to hint at dream? _

_ You can tell me anything dreamie boy  _

_ Use your words come on _

_ Dream: _

_ I think you know what i'm trying to say george _

Panic set in, to be honest, it was definitely gay panic. 

_ Georgenotfound: _

_ Wait _

_ How do you know what i'm listening to? _

_ Dream: _

_ Dude i've been listening to your session too how did you not notice _

It was true, dream had listened to everything George had. George calmed his anxiety down, it doesn’t matter what song he was listening to, it’s just a song. That's  _ all _ it is.  **A song.**

_ Georgenotfound: _

_ Wow stalker _

_ What else r u doing looking through my window _

_ Dream:  _

_ Yk what yeah i am you should go check _

_ Georgenotfound: _

_ Idk how you think your funny _

_ Dream: _

_ Oh what, you didn’t laugh? _

_ Comeon i know i saw you chuckle a little don't even lie to me georgie _

_ Georgenotfound: _

_ Fine okay i guess it was A LITTLE funny _

_ Dumb joke tho _

_ Dream:  _

_ you wanna call maybe? _

_ Georgenotfound: _

_ I mean sure _

_ Just give me like one second to do smth rq _

George mumbled to himself, “Holy shit George what have you gotten yourself into”. Clay was onto him, clay was suspecting of george. Maybe Clay felt the same way though? 

**_Ring… Ring…_ **

George was practically forced to answer, he complied with himself and answered Clay’s call. It was quite at first, no one wanted to speak up during the first few moments. George eventually mustered up the courage to speak:

“So- how are you mr all mighty dream?”

“Oh my prince, im quite well darling, shall we have some tea and crumpets?” clay spoke in a very bad british accent, purposely mocking george.

_ But he said it again. MY prince, he even called me darling this time… he’s just mocking you george, he doesn’t feel anything for you george, don't get your hopes up. _

George’s only thought was to respond sarcastically,

“wow dream it almost sounds like you live in the uk. Are you secretly my neighbor or something?”

“Yeah george of course im your neighbor, come on over for some tea”

“So you just let anyone into your house then?”

“Yeah everyone, doors unlocked 24/7”

They both laughed, not a large laugh but more than a chuckle. It felt like the high tides had calmed down, the anxiety finally reaching a moment where it was calm. 

“Hey George, you wanna do something crazy?”

“Like, how crazy?”

“Well i guess i wouldn’t call it crazy, it would be very fun”

“Hmm… you know what, sure” george wasn’t prepared with what he was about to say

“Do you want to come to florida?”

“Is that even a question? Of course I want to come to florida Clay!”

George should’ve thought before saying that, after already committing he realized,  _ how’s he gonna hide his feelings now _ . 

“Really? Awesome okay cool.” you could practically see Clay’s smile through the screen

George immediately went to google to look up “tickets from brighton to florida” He found a ticket pretty fast, it leaves in two days. He switched back to discord, his cursor hovering on the share screen button.

“Hey Clayyyy”

“Hmm?”

“Guess what I'm about to do…”

“What?”

George finally presses the screen sharing button, sharing the browser tab he had open for tickets to florida.

“GEORGE I WAS GONNA PAY FOR THEM”

“Eh, too late” he pressed buy, it went through. He was gonna go to florida in as little as two days

“So when does the flight leave?”

“Two days”

“Georgeeeeeeee now i have to clean my house”

“I mean, you don't HAVE to”, “don’t you keep it pretty clean anyway?”

“I mean, yeah i guess it’s not much to clean”

“Exactly.. Wait clay”

“What?”

“How am I gonna know it’s you when I land?”

“Well, i mean, i guess you’ll just know”

“What so i’m gonna land, and just have to guess whether or not a random stranger is you?”

“Uh… duh”, “i could you know, just not pick you up from the airport”

“Oh yeah then what am I gonna do, drive??”

“Gotta learn sometime George”

“Clay i’m literally so colorblind that its illegal for me to drive”

“Just see colors gogy it’s not that hard”

“Oh yeah brb i’m gonna go remove my colorblindness”

Dream immediately turned into a tea kettle, wheezing for a bit. George laughed along also, thinking about the trip.

“I'm excited to see you gogy”

“I’m gonna get a face reveal omg im so cool”

Clay chuckled, mumbled something under his breath, low enough where George couldn’t make out what he said, but he knew he said something.

“What’d you say Clay?”

“Oh, nothing”

“Comeon tell meeeee Clayyyyy”

“George, have I ever told you how cute you are?”

George’s heart stopped, his mind just engulfing itself into clays words.  _ How cute I am? _

“I- I guess you haven’t”

“Well george, your so.. so very cute”

George’s heart thumped with every beat, every single beat became louder and louder. His cheeks flushed a pink, he could feel the warmth resting amongst his cheeks.

“Than- Thank you clay” he knew Clay could hear his smile, Clay could probably hear his blushing.

“I gotta go georgie, I’ll see you in two days”

“Bye”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to those reading this <3 it's also on wattpad!


	4. turmoil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> georges mind endlessly wonders, in constant turmoil, does he love his best friend? 
> 
> turmoil: a state of great disturbance, confusion, or uncertainty.

George laid back in his chair, acknowledging every bump in his ceiling. His thoughts ran through his mind,  _ you got yourself into this situation george _ . He lifted himself off of his comfortable chair, grabbed a new sweatshirt and a new pair of sweats before shuffling into his bathroom. He set his clothes on the counter near the sink. After connecting his phone to his speaker he flipped through playlists, finally setting on the same playlist. “tea kettle” He threw off his shirt, looking at himself in the mirror. Staring into his own chocolate eyes, looking over his body, scrutinizing every part of himself. His pale skin, his fragile stature, he was looking thin. Eventually he pulled his eyes off the mirrored version of himself and turned on the water to shower. He stepped in, throwing shampoo onto his hair before leaning on the wall. His head hurt from the constant stress and anxiety. His back dragged on the wall, he sat down on the shower floor, his knees pulled up to his chest. Water continued to fall onto his head. George knew why he was in such turmoil, but he refused to admit that the reason was true. 

He reached up, turning the handle to be excruciatingly hot. He sat back down, the boiling water turning his skin a shade of bright red. It burned, but he liked the pain. The water dripped down his head, he could feel the tingling sting of each drop, yet the pain offered him a release. An escape from the never ending pain. Slowly, his face started to break away, he blinked away the tears, desperate not to cry. His body adjusted to the burning warmth of the water, no longer offering him pain as an escape. Tears flew down his face, he wished the pain of his own mind would go away. He wished that his love for his best friend would fade away. 

George imagined Clay’s body wrapped around him, his warmth keeping him safe. As the pain grew stronger, it became harder for George to fight. The tornado of his own thoughts tearing down his world. Maybe, the world would be better without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really liked writing this chapter tbh, it's shorter since i didnt have much time to write it :(  
> id like to add that the pain of the burning water is how i discovered that inflicting pain on myself helps, i have since stopped sh but i wanted to make this as realistic as possible. Recovery is hard but remember its worth it, if anyone is struggling with self harm please dm me ill do my best to help


	5. 2:30am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after his small discovery of how pain helps, he continues to inflict pain upon himself.   
> Nick calls him, george fesses up about his feelings to Sapnap.

He’d been up since 7am, sleep wasn’t something he got to do often. From editing to filming to just trying to live, he had no extra time to sleep. He sat criss-crossed in his chair, his hands gracing his keyboard, the click of every button blocked out by the music in his ears. Full volume, he listened. He knew Clay was awake, it was only 9:30pm for him. He stared at discord blankly for a few minutes, deciding if he should call Clay or not. The world felt so detached to him, as if he wasn’t living, he was just an object in this big yet small world. He memorized each bump in the walls after staring at them for hours on end. 

George couldn’t help but wonder,  _ why did the pain of burning feel…  _ **_good_ ** _?  _ He seeked the pain of it more and more every passing second. He wanted the release, he needed the release. He grabbed random clothes and made the short trek back to the bathroom, every step was quiet in an effort to not waken either of his parents or his sister. Once he was in the bathroom, he admired the walls, they were a soft off-white. It was a comforting place to be. He dropped his clothes and set his phone next to the sink. He stared at himself once more, looking into his own brown eyes, but the more he stared the more he saw what was going on. His eyes were filled with sorrow, with misery, with pain. His sad, pathetic eyes stared right back into him. 

Eyes are said to be the way into the soul, if anyone took a deep dive into George’s, all they would find is pieces of what he used to be.

He backed up, scared of himself. As his back hit the wall behind him, it slid down until he was sitting on the floor. He looked up at the ceiling, whispering “why?”. He stayed silent for a few minutes, allowing thousands of tears to rain down his face. 

“What did I do to deserve this, why me? Why must it be me who is in love with a  _ boy _ who will never feel the same” His words were broken by his throat being choked up from the crying. The small boy chuckled to himself, “I should've expected it honestly. No one had ever enjoyed being around me, except him. He was always different, he was always my platonic soulmate, does it have to be platonic?” He closed his mouth, soft sobs escaped from him as he dug his face into his hands.

He grabbed the towel beside him, finally finding the energy to stand up. When he did he looked at himself one more time before throwing the gray towel on the mirror, covering it. He opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the pack of razors, he drew one out of the small pack then put the rest of the pack back. He backed up again, this time he was accompanied by a sharp razor. He snaked it through his fingers while he stared at it. Sitting on the ground once more he threw his sweatshirt off. He stared at the sharp razor, he smiled at it, a big devilish smile. “This is really what i’ve come to now…” He hung his head down and shook it slightly, his black, silky hair moving along with his head. 

He looked at his wrist, his thoughts were in a battle  _ “no this is crazy, this isn’t going to help, you should put it away.” “no no slice it, slice your wrist. Do it. Do it. He doesn’t love you, You're gonna arrive in florida and he’s gonna  _ **_laugh_ ** _ at you. You're  _ **_pathetic_ ** _.” _ His bad side won in the end, he lifted his wrist, applied pressure to the blade and sliced his skin. Red blood peeked out from the new cut, eventually balling up in a tear like shape and dripping down his wrist. He felt a moment of bliss, of freedom. He uncontrollably began continuing slicing his wrist till it was filled with lines and lines of pain. He was no longer crying, not another tear or sob escaped from him. He was relaxed and smiling another devilish smile.  _ “It shouldn't feel this good” _

He lifted himself up, grabbing a hand towel and wiping the blood before throwing the gray towel off of the mirror. He glared at himself, he’d become what he swore never to be. The pain had consumed him. All of a sudden his phone began vibrating, he reached out and picked it up. 

**Sapnap is calling…**

Weirdly enough, he found himself pressing the accept call button. 

“Hi gogy”

“Hey Nick, why are you calling?”

“Honestly, i’m just bored and wanted to talk with someone”

There was a brief pause after he spoke until George randomly spoke up,

“Nick… Have you ever been in love?”

Nick paused for a second, trying to come up with an answer,

“I mean, I guess?” he spoke in an uncertain tone, “Why are you asking George?”

“I think I am. I mean, I don’t know, It’s sending me insane. It hurts just, just so much. They’ll never love me the way I love them. Constantly they’re on my mind, I can’t escape it”

“You think your in love?”

“I-” he paused for a moment, “I think so”

“Why do you think they won’t like you back?”

“Because I know them, I’ve known them forever. It’s physically  _ impossible _ for them to be into me.”

“How is it impossible?”

“Because…” he stopped

“Because what George?”

The hurting boy hung his head down.

“George?”

“It’s because he’s straight Nick.”

Nick paused, taking a second to understand George’s words.

“How do you know he is george?”

“He’s said it like so many times. He talks about his past girlfriends quite often.”

“George, if you don't mind me asking, is it Clay?”

George took a few seconds to think,  _ should I tell him? What if he tells Clay? _

“Nick I think you know the answer to that” 

He lifted his hand and pressed  **END CALL.**

His phone vibrated one last time, Sapnap had texted him,

_ Sapnap: _

_ You see him tomorrow r u gonna tell him?  _

_ Gogy u need to tell him _

_ Georgenotfound: _

_ I know _

_ Im gonna go to bed, goodnight _

_ Sapnap: _

_ Okay _

_ Goodnight gogs _

George decided a shower wasn’t worth his time, he threw on his sweatshirt and picked up his clothes once more and made the short walk to his room. He needed some sleep before the flight tomorrow. After throwing his clothes into the corner of his room he flopped onto his bed. He rolled up into the covers, closing his eyes and forcing himself into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10/10 WAS MY FAVORITE CHAPTER TO WRITE,
> 
> please if your struggling with self harm, contact someone. my dm's are always open. This chapter was my favorite chapter to write so far, i was able to go off of personal expierences while also adding stuff that doesnt apply to my life.
> 
> Thank you guys so much for the book marks and kudos it literally makes my day to know people enjoy these :)
> 
> Reminder: These are posted on wattpad too, same username. 
> 
> Word Count: 1126


	6. dream of dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a flower field surrounded him as a dirty blonde hair boy walked up to him. Through this dream it brings happyness, wholeness. but in the end the dream becomes a nightmare, twisting and turning. As he heads to the airport his mind is stuck in a constant circle, until he returns to that dream...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i watched a 5 hour 30 minute ranboo stream and an hour quackity stream while writing this :/

The floral aroma flooded his nose, his body surrounded by pink and purple flowers. He sits on the flower floor, admiring the sight of beauty around him. A tall dirty blonde hair boy was wandering up to him, eyes shining an emerald green that made George wish he was no longer colorblind. Wearing a lime green hoodie was alarmingly bright in the sunlight. The taller boy takes a seat on the ground right next to George. 

“How’s your day George?”

“Umm, I guess alright. I'm not sure where I am though.”

“Well George, you're in a seemingly perfect world. A world where the light shines forever and the flowers are supposed to never die”

“Does this mean I’m dead?”

The boy chuckled, “no your not dead” 

Pausing for a short minute before standing up and offering his hand to the smaller boy, “come with me George”

He took his hand and stood up. Upon standing up music started to surround them, as if they was in a romance movie. **(dandelions by Ruth b.)** Suddenly the stranger started to dance with George, spinning him around and smiling infinitely. Sanguinity roamed the air.

_Maybe it’s the way you say my name_

_Maybe it’s the way you play your game_

_But it’s so good, I’ve never known anybody like you_

_But it’s so good, I’ve never dreamed of nobody like you_

Although the man was a stranger, George felt oddly safe and comfortable. It began to rain around them, his dark hair became wet. The stranger pushed back George’s hair and shook the water out of his own.

_And I’ve heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime_

_And I’m pretty sure that you are that love of mine_

Once again a smile lit up this dream world, pulling George into him by the waist. He looked up at the taller boy in admiration. For once, there was no worries, focusing on this one tall boy. The stranger’s hand lifts up, bringing it to George’s face, wiping away the water that had fallen onto him. Pulling George’s face close, the shorter boy could feel the stranger’s breath against his skin. 

_‘Cause i'm in a field of dandelions_

_Wishing on every one that you’ll be mine_

_And I see forever in your eyes_

_I feel okay when I see you smile_

As the small space closed, their lips were finally connected. A blissful moment, his heart was racing faster than humanly possible. He felt whole, this stranger had been what he was missing his whole life.

_Wishing on dandelions all the time_

_Praying to god that you’ll be mine_

_Wishing on dandelions all of the time_

Their lips disconnected, both of the boys taking a deep breath after. 

“Who are you? Why does it feel right with you?”

“Well George, I’m the man of your dreams.”

“Clay?”

“Maybe Georgie, just maybe”

Clay’s face was just above his, his hand rested on George’s face. 

“Oh Georgie… how could you ever think that I would ever _love_ you”

His face was visibly hit with a wave of confusion.

“Wha- what?”

“You're nothing to me. You will _never_ mean anything to me.”

The dirty blonde boy shoved George away from him. As Clay walked away he began to disappear into thin air. The boy was alone once more, as he looked around the world he witnessed the once beautiful flowers die, as they wilted and crippled and their leaves fell to the floor. The music had stopped, the static noise of the silence surrounding them screamed. George sat on the now dead flowers, leaning back until he was laid out on the floor. Salty tears began to drip, he didn’t even try to hold the tears back. He allowed them to fall down along with the rain. The flowers began to disappear, a perpetual void forming around him. As it engulfed the flowers, the floor and the sky. Abandoned in a void of nothing. 

His eyes opened to the screaming sound of his alarm ringing endlessly. Turning off his alarm, he looked at himself in the mirror, it was obvious he’d been crying in his sleep. He wiped his face and pushed himself out of bed, he wanted to look decent for Clay. Picking out a navy blue crewneck and a pair of black jeans. He walked to the bathroom, as he reached it his mom stopped him,

“Honey when was the last time you’ve eaten?”

“Uhm yesterday?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing mom don’t worry about me” In an effort to change the subject he asked, “So since your driving me to the airport when should we leave”

“Uhh, well about an hour and a half before your flight so 2:00?”

“Well my flight leaves at 3:30 so yeah 2 o’clock should work”

“George it's 11am you should hurry up and get ready, have you packed anything yet?”

“Oh uhm I haven’t, let me just take a quick shower and then I’ll pack and then we should be good to go”

“Alright George” His mom finally walked away allowing George to take a deep breath after that stressful interaction. 

He opened the white bathroom door and walked in, setting his new clothes onto the counter. Closing and locking the door. He stared at himself in the mirror, he developed a hatred for that dreadful mirror. All it seemed to bring was a painful reality of how he lost himself all because of a boy. Looking into his own eyes and witnessing the agony before him, the dream began to haunt him. Throwing off his clothes, avoiding to look at himself in that dismal mirror. He reached for the shower handle, it was cold to the touch as it turned it upwards for the scorching hot water. Stepping in, allowing the burning pain to consume him, steam blurred the painful mirror. Combing his soapy hands through the satiny hair, repeating to himself, “I’m fine. It was just a dream that’s all.” The water continued to fall until he finally reached for the handle and turned the shower off. He stepped out and wrapped the towel around his body. The phone began to vibrate on the counter, Clay had texted him.

_Clay:_

_So gogy whens ur flight?_

_George:_

_It’s at 3:30 but since my mom has to drive me there we’re leaving at like 2_

_Clay:_

_Oh alright_

_See u soon georgie_

_George:_

_Yeah_

Throwing on his crew neck and jeans before making the trip to his room. Along the way his sister stopped him, “wait no way George is actually putting effort into his outfit? Who are you seeing today?”

Rolling his eyes, “I'm actually gonna be meeting dream today”

“Aww are you guy’s dating?”

Instead of replying he stared at his sister with a clearly annoyed face

“WAIT GEORGE I know what your outfit is missing, stay here don't move at all”

Reluctantly George stood still and waited for his sister to return, once she returned he noticed something in her hand

“George your about to look so much better”

She slipped a silver chain necklace over his head,

“There, literally perfect. Clay won’t be able to look away from you”

“Uh- thank you I guess?”

“Anytime George that’s what I’m here for now go pack for your boyfriend”

“Haha so funny” he replied in a mocking tone as he walked away.

He opened his closet and pulled out his suitcase, packing sweatshirts, sweats and jeans. By the time it was finished it was 1:50. He zipped the suitcase closed and rolled it out into the hallway. Going back to his room, grabbing the black jansport backpack. Putting his laptop in it along with a mouse, a charger along with a few other random things before finally packing everything into his mom's car. Opening the blue car door and sitting in the passenger seat, his mom turned on the car and began driving. He plugged his ears with his airpods and began to play from his favorite and least favorite playlist, tea kettle. He rested his head and looked out the window as the trees flew past him, closing his eyes, unable to fall asleep he remained in a trance. He was awoken by his mom shaking his shoulder,

“Honey come on were here” 

Once awake he hopped out of the car,

“Come on George I don’t even get a hug?”

He walked around the front of the car, opened the driver side door and hugged his mom. 

“I’m gonna miss you”

“Mom I’m only gone for like 2 weeks don’t worry I’ll be fine”

“Alright honey…” her voice trailed off as George walked to the trunk of the car, pulling out the navy blue suitcase. Since he was colorblind he found it easier to use a suitcase with one of the few colors he was able to see. Walking through the glass door, waving his mom goodbye. The airport was crowded, George wasn’t fond of being in a crowded place. He felt as if everyone was staring at him, _“i shouldn’t have worn such a bold outfit”_ he thought to himself while making his way through the crowd. Surprisingly the line moved fast and by the time he was done with security his plane was just starting to board. He walked to his terminal and handed his ticket to the lady and walked into the plane. It was smaller, not many people took a flight from Brighton to Florida. Since he was one of the first to board, he walked to the middle of the plane, choosing a seat next to the window. Putting his suitcase in the overhead compartment, took off his backpack and set it next to his feet as he sat down. He listened to the flight attendant as she gave her instructions on what to do if the plane crashes. The plane took off, trees became as small as ants, staring out to the sights in front of them until his eyes became heavy, drifting him into sleep. George found himself in that same flower field, this time when the blonde haired boy sat with him, he spoke first. 

“Why?” 

“Why? that’s an interesting question. I guess you won’t ever know the answer why until you let yourself love me. Eventually the walls will fall down George. It’s just the question of will they fall down and crush you, or will you let them fall and avoid the crush.”

This time, the void never came since he was woken up to the bumpy landing of the plane. Immediately pulling out his phone texting dream,

_George:_

_Just landed, you better be here to pick me up_

_I dont want to be stranded in the airport_

_Clay:_

_I'm literally outside gogy_

George grabbed his bags and made his way through the airport. Millions of thoughts traveled through his mind, he began texting Sapnap to help relieve the stress.

_George:_

_Dude im abt to meet him_

_What if he thinks im annoying_

_What if he thinks im like annoying_

_Nick:_

_Bro chill out_

_Itll be fine_

_Just be yourself_

_George:_

_Oh god_

_Nick:_

_Stop stressing out_

When he looked up from his phone, he saw the blonde boy. His eyes which sparkled in the rays of the sun. Leaning against a gray toyota avalon, he was wearing a blue georgenotfound found hoodie. As George was about to start walking up towards Clay, he spun around entering the airport once more. Memories of his dream flooded him. 

_“You're nothing to me. You will never mean anything to me.”_

He rushed through the crowd of people exiting and entered the mens bathroom. Luckily it was empty, locking the door and looking at himself through a mirror one more time. He knew the razor was in his backpack, he unzipped the pocket and grabbed it. He needed to get rid of his pain, splitting his skin with the razor, blood peering out from the new injury. His phone vibrated once more,

_Clay:_

_Where r u?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright while reading this i noticed like i was writing too much so i stopped it here. left it a sort of cliff-hanger. anyway THANKS SO MUCH FOR 200 READS??? this is insane. this is a 2,000 word chapter man oh god i spent about 2-3 hours on it, i really loved this chapter. anyway hope you guys enjoyed it as much as i did :)
> 
> dont forget i do cross-post on wattpad, same username!  
> thank you for the kudos :)  
> itll be posted on wattpad tomorrow (2/12/2021)


	7. love in the lyrics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George arrives in Florida, his mind grabs a hold of him as he continues to feed his horrible habit. Eventually he was forced to greet his fears face first.

_ Clay: _

_ Where r u? _

He shoved down the hoodie sleeves, making the lacerations hidden. Opening the bathroom door once more making his way through the airport. The glass doors stood in front of him, anxiety coursing through him like never before. Cold to the touch, he pushed the front doors open.

_ George: _

_ Look in front of u dumbass _

Clay’s eyebrows furrowed, after reading the message the expressions on his face changed from confused to thrilled.

“GEORGE!”

A warm body surrounded the small boy, engulfed in a hug. The hug was everything, their first  _ real _ interaction.

“Hi!”

Clay pulled out of the hug,

“Your shorter in real life Georgie”

“I’m average”

“Don’t worry it just makes you cuter”

Warmth rushed to his face,  _ this is going to be an interesting two weeks. _

“Aww George your blushing”

“Shut up”

Opening the car door until he noticed the steering wheel in front of the seat.

“Dumb american cars” he muttered to himself as Clay chuckled next to him.

Neither of them wanted to deal with small talk, Clay reached his hand to his phone, George could see the spotify application opening. He scrolled through his playlist until he clicked the one labelled “george''. Music rejoiced through the speakers.  **(can’t help falling in love with you by Christian Leave)**

_ Wise men say _

_ Only fools rush in _

_ But I can't help falling in love with you _

_ Shall I stay? _

_ Would it be a sin _

_ If I can't help falling in love with you? _

Clay’s lips parted as he began to mumble the words of the song,

_ Like a river flows _

_ Surely to the sea _

_ Darling, so it goes _

_ Some things are meant to be _

His voice began to pick up, a slight smile formed on his perfect face. 

_ Take my hand _

_ Take my whole life too _

_ For I can't help falling in love with you _

George sat in admiration for Clay, his eyes sparkled a verdant green that George couldn’t see. 

_ Like a river flows _

_ Surely to the sea _

_ Darling, so it goes _

_ Some things are meant to be _

A simpered smile was on George’s face,  _ “a playlist, named for me, with love songs? Maybe, just maybe he feels the same. I shouldn’t get my hopes up, who loves a messed up scrawny man.” _

_ Take my hand _

_ Take my whole life too _

_ For I can't help falling in love with you _

_ For I can't help falling in love with you _

His head bopped back and forth along with the music, resting his arm on the middle console. Clay sat up slightly, looking over to make a right turn. As he relaxed back, he rested his arm next to George’s. His eyes glanced to see if George had noticed, but alas the oblivious George hadn’t. Tilting his wrist slightly until their hands were touching. George’s face twisted around, looking at their hands. Clay went for it, intertwining their hands. Their faces matched a cardinal red. The heartbeats pounded out of their chest, uniting in the feeling of adrenalin, fear and love. Clay slightly squeezed George’s hand, a small squeeze followed it. 

The song slowly came to an end, the pair never let go of each other's hands. As the song faded away, a new one made its way through the speakers.  **(line without a hook by Ricky Montgomery)**

_ I don't really give a damn about the way you touch me _

_ When we're alone _

_ You can hold my hand _

_ If no one's home _

His face was cultivating, George admired his soft lips. 

_ Do you like it when I'm away? _

_ If I went and hurt my body, baby _

_ Would you love me the same? _

_ I can feel all my bones coming back _

_ And I'm craving motion _

_ Mama never really learns how to live by herself _

_ It's a curse _

_ And it's growing _

Clay continued to sing, aware that George was looking at him he tilted his head slightly until he found himself looking at George. As they stared into each other's eyes, Clay’s eyes glanced at George’s pink lips before looking back at the cinnamon eyes. Along with the song he sang,

_ “You're a pond and I'm an ocean” _

The rest of the verse played but Clay stopped singing for a brief moment. A blissful moment as they indulged themselves into each other’s eyes. George found himself running through a field of green grass meanwhile Clay was in a world of cinnamon and chocolate. As they exited the world each other, Clay sang another line.

_ “Oh, baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you” _

_ I need you here to stay” _

He stopped singing along after those lines. George’s mind closed off the terrorizing thoughts, zoning in on the euphoric moment.  I rrevocably the moment came to an end as they realized they were stopped at a green light. Clay pulled away along with George. The tension between was tenacious.

Other songs continued to ring through their ears until they arrived at Clay’s house. The house appeared mediocre from the outside. They unlatched their hands as they left the car. George never wanted to wash his hands after what had just happened. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this fully knowing i have hours of homework to do but no i must write fanfic
> 
> anyways, thanks for reading! 330 hits?? amazing 19 kudos?? i cant this makes me so happy. I read the first few chapters again and oh my god they're CRINGY. anyway i tried my best to make the tension visible in this chapter :)
> 
> thanks for reading! i cross post to wattpad: @mojitoess


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